Dehydrated Water Bottle: 32oz of Glorious Existential Dread. Perfect Gag Gift for Seances, Funerals, and the Apocalypse (Or Christmas/Secret Santas if You’re Into That Kind of Thing)

A BOTTLE AS DRY AS YOUR HUMOR. Their kidneys will fail, but your gift won’t. This thing is as packed full of jokes as my basement is with bodies. SHOCKINGLY GOOD ACCORDING TO MY MOM. Wow, sweetie, you even made a box? Why is it triangular though? Does my baby need some more dino nuggets? MOM STOP IT, THIS IS A REAL PRODUCT!!! Also, yes some nugs would be great. Love you! GUARANTEED UNTIL THE HEAT DEATH OF UNIVERSE. We offer a No-Nonsense Lifetime Satisfaction Guarantee on all of our gag gifts. If at any point you're not 100% happy, just send us an email/carrier pigeon/Facebook poke, and we promise to make it right! YOUR GIFTEE WILL LOVE THIS. You don’t even know. It’s an endless void of hilarity (AKA my love life). Guaranteed to crush, unless someone else bought the same thing, in which case you have to fight to the death :/ Sorry, I don’t make the rules. JUST ADD WATER TO SUMMON A 4TH DIMENSIONAL BEING. Or you know, to drink from it? Your call I guess, but I know what I would choose. Also, it’s actually a legit stainless steel bottle, which is wild since our first draft was just paper mache and lead PERFECT FOR EVERY OCCASION & BUDGET. Whether you need under a thoughtful present, yankee swap item, or white elephant exchanges, this unique insulated bottle works for Secret Santa, Dirty Santa, birthdays, Fathers Day, retirement or bachelor parties IDEAL GIFT FOR ANY GUY IN YOUR LIFE. Awesome present for him, dad, father, papa, grandpa, grandfather, husband, hubby, boyfriend, best friend, bff, boss, coworker, employee, coach, teacher, uncle, big brother, little brother, cousin, male roommate. HILARIOUS NOVELTY FOR CHRISTMAS AND MORE. This ridiculous item delights anyone who enjoys twisted tacky humor. Perfect stocking stuffer, pollyanna swap gift, grab bag surprise, or unexpected prank that's one of the ultimate useless trending novelties STRANGE AND ODD. This ridiculously interesting cool bundle will delight any special firefighter, nurse, electrician, contractor, office lawyer, military personnel, teen boy, college student, or adult man for their bday BEST GIFT IDEA FOR CRAZY HUMOR LOVERS. Silly stupid tiny gift set perfect for girlfriend, employee appreciation, promotion celebrations, or just because. This is thoughtful yet twisted - unexpected unusual idea for xmas holiday swaps

Tired of your water being too... watery?

That's why we've eliminated water's most problematic feature: existing.

Is it a joke? Yes. Is it functional? Yes. Is Avant Grub staffed by literally insane people? Yes, though we prefer, “Quirky and irreverent.”

But you can use our eccentricity for your benefit. Gift one of our novelties to surprise and delight anyone with a fun sense of humor, a pulse, or even anyone without a pulse (please buy our products).

The hydration solution you never knew you didn't not need, that we can't not recommend, and that won't not change your life.

If your head hurts after reading that sentence, don’t worry, just take a nice long sip of Dehydrated Water and all will definitely not become clear.

Big Water doesn't want you to know this ONE WEIRD TRICK!

Hydration companies HATE us.

I literally don't understand if this is a real product

Finally, a product that makes as little sense as your life choices!

Can I actually drink from this thing?

I don’t know, can you?

Can I return it if I don't like having a black hole appear in my living room?

Absolutely! You can even keep the black hole. Please be aware that our customer service team consists of one intern named Craig who communicates exclusively through interpretive dance. Craig is very talented but easily startled, so please be nice.

Is this dishwasher safe?

Everything is dishwasher safe if you're brave enough. Also technically yes, but we do recommend hand washing because the bottle is kinda scared of the dark.

What’s in the Box?

One funny 32 ounce insulated water bottle with straw nestled in a collector's-grade box so fancy you'll feel guilty throwing it away.

Note: Water not included

Warning: Box may contain trace amounts of hopes, dreams, and plutonium